To a Cat?
by DEATH BY CHEESE
Summary: What happens when Beast Boy is turned into a cat but cannot change back? Only humor can ensue.
1. So it Begins

To a cat?

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN THE TEEN TITANS!

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Chapter 1- So it begins

Today was an average day. A typical day where bad guys beat the crap out of anything that moves, and the Teen Titans had to go stop them. A day where it is 5:00 in the freaking morning and the alarm goes off, Robin barks 'Titans Go'and Beast Boy falls out of his bed and lands face first on the floor.

'_Is there any reason why the villains are up early' _Beast boy thought. The problem was that reason had not got out of bed yet.

On today's butt kicking menu is Mammoth and Jinx but Gizmo was no where to be seen. This did not phase the Titans as this meant less time to fight and more time to play mind numbing video games, listen to music, drink mustard or read a book. This time the two members of the Hive Academy were breaking into stores, smashing the stuff in the stores and reading other peoples mail.

"Hay!" Mammoth exclaimed "I found a coupon for laxatives!"

All this was being viewed from the Titans main computer.

The now slightly sickened Titans were now devising a plan that will put the offenders out of commission.

"Raven and Cyborg, you two go after Mammoth" Robin ordered "Beast Boy and Starfire can go after Jinx. I'll give you support where needed, try to get them cornered at the old warehouses to avoid civilian casualties".

_'Something does not seem right' _Raven contemplated. When it came to a hunch; Raven was mostly right. The strangest incident of this was when she was watching Beast Boy play 'Jak II Renegade'.

_

* * *

_

_Flash back… _(Wayne and Garth appear and do the 'Doodley doo' like they do at the end of 'Waynes World')

A giant monster had just eaten one of the characters on the game (Sig).

"Awwwww he was one of my favourite characters" Beast Boy whined.

"Don't worry he will live" Raven answered in a monotone.

Sure enough at the end of the game Sig was alive and well with out a single scratch on him.

End of flash back…

* * *

They made it to the crime scene in there individual ways. Cyborg by the T-Car, Robin by his motorbike, Starfire and Raven by levitating and Beats Boy by flying squirrel.

"You guys took your time" Jinx taunted.

" We did, 'cuz we got all the time in the world" Cyborg answered after he put a lock on the steering wheel, gear box, window wipers, radio, hand break, horn, antennae and the seat belts. By the time Cyborg reached the battle they were half way to the warehouse. Starfire was going crazy with star-bolts and Beast boy was an ankilosaurus, swinging away at Jinx's feet giving her no option but to do back flips. Raven was not putting much effort into her battle as she was still half asleep, she was whacking Mammoth stupid with a school bus that was unfortunately (or fortunately) still full of school children. She knew there was still something wrong: Gizmo was not there and they weren't putting up much of a fight (she didn't care much about the children who were screaming their heads off).

"NOW!" Mammoth shouted.

Mammoth thumped the ground with both fists and Jinx sent some energy waves along with it, both attacks were directed at Beast Boy.

A large explosion caused the big green ankilosaurus to be flung twenty-five feet backwards.

_'Awww crap, OK I want to land on my feet so I'll turn into a… CAT' _he concluded. At that he morphed into a cat and landed on all four paws but then he noticed something peculiar. There was a large shadow around him, not just any shadow for this one resembled a large spider.

"What's new pussy cat?" sneered a voice just before firing a laser in to the back of the feline. It was non other than Gizmo with a new toy but that did not save him from Cyborg's sonic cannon that caused him to crash into Jinx and Mammoth. There was a loud beeping emanating from Gizmo's backpack.

"…crud…"

The backpack then exploded knocking the three members of the hive academy unconscious.

"Is friend Beast Boy OK?" Starfire inquired. No one answered for they didn't know. Beast Boy had no burns or scares but he was still a cat.

"I can't say for sure" Robin piped up "We're going to have to take him to the infirmary".

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DEATH BY CHEESE: Well… this is an interesting twist. It will get even more interesting when you… REVIEW! If you tell me about the strange antics that your pet cat gets up to I will appreciate it very much. Look at my sheezy art gallery for pictures. I'm DEATH BY CHEESE from sheezy art. 


	2. What's wrong?

To a cat?

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN THE TEEN TITANS!

DEATH BY CHEESE: If you have not worked it out yet _'this is thinking or telepathy' _"And this is talking"

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Chapter 2- What's wrong?

In the infirmary they had Beast Boy hooked up to every machine in the tower. This included the most expensive machine in the city and the machine that goes 'BING'. Beast Boy is now conscious but still a cat.

"Meow?" Beast Boy asked.

"What is it BB?" Cyborg answered "Did Timmy fall down the well again?"

The small green cat let out a growl of annoyance, he couldn't do much else as he was that wrapped up in wires.

"I'll see if I can read his thoughts" Raven suggested before using her powers on Beast Boy.

_'All I did was ask 'What's wrong?' and Cyborg has to steal my comedy role… I'm gonna kill that son of a bitch, I'm gonna claw out his eyes and bite off his tiny blue testic…'_

"Beast Boy asked what was wrong with him" Raven interpreted.

"Oh" Cyborg answered "From what I can tell the device Gizmo used has artificially stabilised BB's DNA. It can be cured but it's going to take a looooooong time but before I even start to do this research" Cyborg then pulls out some planks of wood, hammers and blue prints "I'm off to make the tower cat accessible". He then walks off singing _'I'm too sexy for my shirt'._

Five seconds passed since Cyborg left the room and Starfire pounced on Beast Boy like a nerd on a Star Wars…Barbie…thing…

" Oh friend I am so glad you are unharmed!" Starfire ranted.

Robin and Raven were both now feeling sorry for Beast Boy who was now being suffocated by the alien.

"Uh Starfire? I think I hear Silky calling" Robin interjected

" Don't worry Silky your Kanorfka is coming!"

Raven and Robin both let out a sigh of relief as Beast Boy was left gasping for air.

"So…What's the plan?" Raven asked.

"We're going to have to keep Beast Boy away from Starfire, Cyborg is doing research, I'll be keeping tabs on the city and you are the only person that he can communicate to. I'm afraid you are stuck with him." Robin concluded.

"Great" Raven answered in a monotone as Beast Boy sat down next to Ravens feet and Robin left the room. "So… What do you want to do?"

'_What time is it?'_

"Five in the afternoon"

'_I'm hungry'_

They entered the kitchen/operations centre (OMG I'm English not American) to find Starfire squashing Silky with a rolling pin, Robin listening to crappy pop music and Cyborg singing

"I've seen things, I've seen them with my eyes, I've seen things, They're often in disguise like carrots, Hand bags, cheese, etc…"

"Friend Beast Boy!" Starfire shouted, "I have found some food for you to consume." Starfire then got out a bowl and a tin of cat food. Beast Boy watched in disgust as the meat slowly slid out the tin and flop into the bowl.

_'What the?…What are you on? Crack? I'm not gonna eat this shit…'_

"I think Beast Boy would rather have tofu"

Beast Boy then looked up sheepishly at Raven

'_Heh, I keep forgetting that you are reading my mind'_

'_It's OK. We all mentally swear' _

Raven then mastered the art of making stuff out of soy milk with out burning it, making it poisonous or make it turn rock solid on contact with anything cold.

Cyborg then walked in singing _Gay Bar _(I love that song).

"Okaaay, I've made the BB's bathroom cat useable and the light switches…OH YEAH! And the blender"

"Um…why did you make it so he could use the blender?" asked a clearly confused Raven as she set the food down for Beast Boy, who was too busy licking himself to notice. Thankfully no one noticed.

"I DON'T KNOW!" screamed a sarcastic Cyborg "maybe it has something to do with my WAFFLE IRON!" He then ran into the farthest corner and curled into foetal position, Raven and Beast boy could hear him sucking his thumb. They both looked at each other, now completely disturbed for life.

_'We didn't see anything…'_

_'Uhhh…nope, I didn't just see Cyborg run into the corner and degrade himself…could you do me a favour?'_

'_Sure…what?'_

'_Get a camera! This is fan-fucking-tastic blackmail material!'_

'_You're a cat and all you can think of is making a fool of your team-mate?'_

'_Yeah…why?'_

'_You're a louse'_

'_Raven…no more Big O for you!'_

'_Fine…I'll stick to Spawn' _Raven's eyes then turned a demonic green and she began to cackle an evil laugh just like you see in the movies. Beast boy ran behind Cyborg, who was still sucking his thumb.

Robin entered to be met with Raven's evil witch-like cackling, _'hmm…I can hear an evil cackle…and…that…means…'_

"FUCK…SLADE IS HERE." Robin then ran into the other corner and began sucking his thumb just like Cyborg. At that time, Starfire also entered the room with Silkie, who was wearing a Robin costume. She then noticed Robin and Cyborg in the corners, sucking their thumbs, she looked at them both quizzically. She then floated to the corner and also began sucking her thumb, clearly thinking it was some Earth custom. All the while Raven continued to cackle evilly. At least until the alarm went off, then they all gathered around the computer.

"So who is our next victim to brutally beat and kick?" asked Raven

"Don't you mean stop and throw in jail?" said Robin

"…Whatever…"

Cyborg then checked the computer, a large image showed the criminal stealing a mass of wallets and purses, pretty low for…

"SLADE!" yelled Robin, who then pulled out his ass-whooping stick and began beating the computer into small pieces of plastic, "WHY…WON'T…HE…FUCKING…DIIIEEEEEE? GAAAAAAHHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAA!" Robin stood there gasping for breath.

"Feel better?" asked Starfire.

"Yes…very much…anyway…TITANS! TO THE PIMPMOBILE!"

"Don't you mean the T-Car?"

"………Yes"

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DEATH BY CHEESE: The randomness will continue. Sorry it took me a while because I was too busy wearing my underwear on the outside and being a super hero.

Here is a special 'behind the scenes' thing. Where Robin is saying :

'We're going to have to keep Beast Boy away from Starfire, Cyborg is doing research, I'll be keeping tabs on the city and you are the only person that he can communicate to. I'm afraid you are stuck with him'

I was going to have him say _'I'm a complete arsehole' _instead of _'I'll be keeping tabs on the city'_


	3. SLADECON 2005

To a cat?

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN THE TEEN TITANS!

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Chapter 3- Sladecon 2005

The titans (and cat) caught Slade running out of a plastic cup store (that sold plastic cup and plates and sporks) with a backpack FULL of wallets.

"Stealing wallets, purses, and plastic utensils?" asked Robin "Pretty low don't you think?"

"I HAVE NO CHOICE!" exclaimed Slade "You destroyed two of my bases, destroyed several legions of my robot henchmen, read my mail and didn't get off my lawn!" Slade then broke down crying like a drama queen "I HAVE A FAMILY TO SUPPORT! Mrs. Slade need an operation and my kids need to go to evil college"

"That's the biggest load of titty biscuits I have ever heard" replied Robin "The whole time I was stuck with you, you never left the office. You ate in the office, you slept in the office, you watched porn in the office…I watched porn in your office. So no way in hell do you have a family"

"I have a family! They live in Germany…I am German"

Then Robin's eyes went wide like when Cyborg was going to check him for batteries.

"So THAT'S why you wanted me to taste your wurst!"

The rest of the titans were now trying to cleanse their minds of the horrible images in their brain-meats. All the while Slade skipped away giggling like a schoolgirl into the warehouse district.

"He ran into that abandoned warehouse!" yelled Robin, pointing dramatically at the building.

"Okay Robin, three things; first, we're only a few feet away from you so stop yelling," explained Raven, "second, we can see he is running into that seemingly empty warehouse, and thirdly, WHY DO THEY ALSWAYS RUN INTO ABANDONED WAREHOUSES? HOW DO WE GET ALL THESE EMPTY WAREHOUSES? WHY HAVEN'T THE CITY DEMOLISHED THEM, IT WOULD MAKE OUR LIVES SO MUCH FUCKING SIMPLER!" By this time Ravens eyes were blood red and several boats (with people in them) in the harbour had been flung into empty warehouses.

_'Feel better?'_ asked Beast boy

_'Yes…yes I do'_

The Titans gave chase following Slade into the warehouse…unfortunately none of them noticed the banner that said in big bold letters 'SLADE-CON 2005'.

All the Titans stopped dead in their tracks at what was in front of them. An army of Slades of various shapes, sizes and genders. While the other Titans were staring at the scene wide-eyed with their mouths hanging open, Robin had run out of the warehouse only to return about five minutes later strapped with more guns than a marine battalion. He then jumped into the middle of the crowd and shot madly into the air, causing the Slades to either, duck and cover, or run around and scream like little girls.

By the time Robin had fired five rounds all the Slade lookalikes were crouched down, but Robin continued to fire another five rounds until Starfire snatched the gun from Robin's hands and threw that and all the other guns into the heart of the sun.

"OKAY ALL OF YOU LISTEN UP!" commanded Robin, "NOW, TELL ME, WHO IS SLADE?"

A large fat geeky sounding guy (complete with nerd ass pubic voice) stood up and declared "I AM SLADE"

Raven narrowed her eyes at the wannabe "No…you're just some fat fuck we don't care about"

Another voice "I'M SLADE"

"No…you're a woman…"

"I'M SLADE!"

"Hello Mammoth…"

"Um…I'm Slade…"

"Why are you here Aqualad?"

"I'M SLADE BEEYOTCH!"

Ravens eyes turned demonic red "CYBORG GET BACK HERE!"

Then, the REAL Slade stood up, he was wearing fake plastic Roman armour and a helmet, and he raised his plastic toy sword into the air and yelled with pride in his voice…

"I'M SPARTICUS!"

The Titans stared at him until Robin finally cracked a smile.

"Finally someone sane!" he said, "Tell us good Sparticus, did you see an evil man by the name of Slade run by?"

Raven looked at him like he was an idiot.

"Um…Robin…"

"Quiet wench Raven, let the mighty warrior Sparticus talk!"

Slade, who could not believe this, was working said, "Oh yeah he went out back…"

"TITANS TO THE BACK!"

Raven tried again, "But Robin…"

"Raven, never say 'butt' again in my presence and stop second guessing my decisions…NOW GO!"

Giving up, Raven followed the other Titans out back. Slade just stood there, not believing it had worked…seriously he thought it had to be some kind of trap. He was torn between running into a potential trap or stay in the building and run the risk of being recognised. Suffering severe paranoia, he ran into the corner, assumed the foetal position and began sucking his thumb. But because he always wore that facemask he banged his thumb against the mask, visitors to SLADE-CON were shock to hear a loud 'FUCK! MY THUMB!' emanate from the corner.

Unable to find Slade, Robin got all pissed with the rest of the team so they threw him into the river a couple of times until he calmed down and then they went home. Slade was arrested for inciting a riot of angry mothers due to the foul language he used at the convention, and all of Slades stolen wallets were taken by Aqualad, who mistook them for baby turtles. Later on they were taken by Speedy, who sold them to the Seafood Tacos restaurant, which was later shut down by the police after a riot by people allergic to leather ate the tacos.

END…for now…maybe…will be more chapters…

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DEATH BY CHEESE: TO ALL MY REVIEWERS… I LOVE J00 ALL!111ONE 


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